Mary Lincoln's presence at Abraham's death-bed

[irshgrl500]

[quote='My Name Is Kate' pid='20898' dateline='1372403271']

I wonder if anyone bothered to talk with Tad and ask him if he wanted to see his Dad for one last time, or did they just decide, without Mary being involved in the decision, that it would be best he not be present?

Tad was attending a performance of "Aladdin! or His Wonderful Lamp" when his father was assassinated. When Mrs. Lincoln was asked if she wanted him brought to the Petersen House where her husband lay dying. She replied: "O my poor 'Taddy' what will become of him? O do not send for him, his violent grief would disturb the House."

Tad was informed that his father had been shot, but did not learn that he had died until his mother returned home the next day.

[Donna McCreary]

(06-29-2013 12:18 PM)RJNorton Wrote:  Donna, in the current issue of the Journal of the Lincoln Assassination, Fred Hatch has listed all those who were present for at least a part of the night. Fred's criteria to make the list was that there must be more than one source that lists the person as present. Dr. Lyman B. Todd is in Fred's list.

Thanks Roger. It is good to know that Mary had at least one beloved family member with her.

[Ashley Norman]

(06-26-2013 07:54 PM)LincolnMan Wrote:  I counseled a recently widowed female patient today. She told me how important it was to her that she spend the last few hours with her husband as he was dying. It later struck me that Mary Lincoln was deprived of this. I know there were other considerations to factor in pertaining to Lincoln's death-but Mary was, in the end, not allowed to be with her husband at his end. Was this an injustice to her? Was it unusual for the wife of a dying husband to not be with him the entire time? Was Stanton being inconsiderate of her? Why wouldn't it be allowed for her to show strong emotion at that time?

Please correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't Mary is panic and inconsoleable while by his death bed. So much so that they had her stay in the living room area of the gentlemans house they were at? WhenI went to the house where he died some time ago I think I remember at point she would let out screams and loud sobs? I know she sent for Tad believing that Abraham would respond to him. I agree that it is important to be there in the dying hours of your spouse but panic I don't think helps the situation when dealing with a shotting victum. I could be wrong about that though,.

[Gene C]

(07-07-2013 07:45 PM)Ashley Norman Wrote:  I agree that it is important to be there in the dying hours of your spouse but panic I don't think helps the situation when dealing with a shotting victum. I could be wrong about that though,.

Your not wrong ....

[irshgrl500]

Hello All,
I wasn't sure where to post this so I hope it is not too inappropriately placed. I just wanted to say, as a new member, how much I enjoy this website, and how very impressed I am with the contributions, which also seemed to be lined with loads of enthusiasm.
I was invited by Roger to join the website, a few months ago, and am glad to be a member.

Thank you,
Karin

[RJNorton]

Welcome, Karin! Karin and I initially met when she was supervising the Abraham Lincoln category for Answers.com. Like me she enjoys helping students with their research. Karin, we are all very pleased you have joined our forum!

[L Verge]

Karin - I second what Roger just said. Welcome to a very busy, educational, and fun forum.

[LincolnMan]

Dr. Lyman B. Todd- a relative of Mary Lincoln? Sorry guys, in reading again the previous posts- I see that he was, indeed, related to Mary!

[Donna McCreary]

(08-10-2013 05:01 PM)LincolnMan Wrote:  Dr. Lyman B. Todd- a relative of Mary Lincoln? Sorry guys, in reading again the previous posts- I see that he was, indeed, related to Mary!

Lyman Beecher Todd and Mary Lincoln were half-first cousins. Their fathers were half-brothers.

[wsanto]

(06-27-2013 10:53 AM)Linda Anderson Wrote:  Stanton certainly didn't handle the situation well, in fact I agree he was downright cruel to Mary, but I wonder if he thought that Mary was disturbing Lincoln. Perhaps he wanted to give the dying man some peace in which to die.

Lincoln died 20 minutes after Mary left. Perhaps she was holding him back in some way? I heard of someone who left their dying relative for a moment and that's when the relative died.

Maybe someone can address this who has experience with dying people being told it's okay to "let go."

Lincoln was apparently 'brain-dead' at @ 1:00 AM. There was a pronouced change in his breathing, his posturing, and both of his pupils dilated and became non-reactive.

I believe the relation of his physiological time of death to Mary's last visit was entirely coincidental.

That said--if you believe in the soul, walking toward the light, heaven and hell--then there may be some relation...

[L Verge]

I sat beside my mother for two days and nights while she was dying from congestive heart failure and finally a stroke. I instinctively talked and sang to her most of the time. When the nurses found me doing that, they told me to keep going because the hearing is the last of the senses to be lost.

I can't know if my mother was brain-dead during this time because we have Do Not Resuscitate health instructions, but my question to Bill is whether or not Lincoln could have heard his wife after he became deathlike?

[JMadonna]

If so, it may have hurried his exit...Take me now Lord!

[wsanto]

(08-18-2013 06:06 PM)L Verge Wrote:  I sat beside my mother for two days and nights while she was dying from congestive heart failure and finally a stroke. I instinctively talked and sang to her most of the time. When the nurses found me doing that, they told me to keep going because the hearing is the last of the senses to be lost.

I can't know if my mother was brain-dead during this time because we have Do Not Resuscitate health instructions, but my question to Bill is whether or not Lincoln could have heard his wife after he became deathlike?

Medically speaking, No. It would not only require Lincoln's ear and brain hearing the sound but the very high brain function of relating that sound to memories and developing an emotional tie to those memories.

Most people that are comatose are not brain dead: these functions may very well be active on a subconscious level. In the case of your mother and most others, the sounds of loved ones may have a comforting effect.

It is also theraputic for the loved one's psyche to continue to connect with the patient on some level.

[JMadonna]

My 8 year old (at the time) told his dying Grandmother that he was 'Bob Hope' figuring that she since all she could do was listen she might give a response to her favorite comedienne.

He now teaches America's youth.

[Gene C]

When my father passed away, the hospice nurse indicated that sometimes the person passing on can hear and feel the presence of those around, but are unable to respond. (beats me if that't true, or she said it for the sake of the family to help comfort them - which it did)