Abraham and Mary's Wedding

[Tom Emery]

Here's an article I did for the Alton Telegraph on the 175th anniversary of the Lincoln wedding, which was November 4 of last year.


SATURDAY MARKS 175TH ANNIVERSARY OF LINCOLN MARRIAGE
By Tom Emery

Abraham Lincoln’s marriage to Mary Todd has been the subject of debate among historians for decades. Few Presidential unions have been so misunderstood.

Saturday (November 4) marks 175 years since the Lincolns’ wedding, a strikingly simple affair in the home of the bride’s sister. The ceremony was the culmination of a stormy courtship and the beginning of a marriage that, contrary to popular opinion, was stable and caring.

Samuel Wheeler, the Director of Research, Collections, and Library Services at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum in Springfield, describes the relationship between Abraham and Mary in succinct, positive terms.

“Theirs was a love story,” remarked Wheeler, the Illinois State Historian. “Not a perfect love story, but one nonetheless.”

Wheeler’s assessment is in response to many historians who have inaccurately depicted the Lincoln marriage as one of misery. William Herndon, Lincoln’s former law partner and controversial biographer, famously called the marriage “a domestic hell.”

Many others disagree, particularly those closest to the Lincolns. The couple met in the fall of 1839 at a Springfield cotillion, when Lincoln approached young Mary and reportedly said, “Miss Todd, I want to dance with you in the worst way.” At thirty years of age, he was nine years her senior.

Attractive, well-educated and well-mannered, Mary enjoyed many suitors, including Stephen A. Douglas and a grandson of Patrick Henry, of Revolutionary “give me liberty or give me death” fame. In Springfield, she lived with her sister, Elizabeth Edwards, and her husband Ninian, the son of a former governor.

The Todds were of high society in Lexington, Ky., and the thought of Mary with the uncultured Lincoln was not appealing to Elizabeth and other family members. Still, Elizabeth conceded the mutual attraction between the two.

“Elizabeth later said she used to watch Abraham and Mary as they were courting in the Edwards home,” said Wheeler. “Mary did all the talking, while Abraham sat quietly gazing at her, because, according to Elizabeth, Lincoln’s lack of education and culture hadn’t prepared him for someone like Mary.”

Wheeler adds that Lincoln was fearful of his prospects as a husband. “I think Lincoln had some anxiety about being able to provide for a wife and family,” commented Wheeler. “By the time he was courting Mary Todd, he was still somewhat of a struggling lawyer, and he knew by marrying her, there would be expectations about a certain level of lifestyle.”

Their dating relationship endured many ups and downs, including an argument on New Year’s Day 1841 that resulted in a breakup. In the weeks that followed, a distraught Lincoln recalled “the fatal first of January” and declared himself “the most miserable man living.”

The couple later resumed their relationship, often in secret. Their sudden announcement of marriage surprised Elizabeth, and the wedding on the rainy night of Friday, Nov. 4, 1842 was hastily arranged.

“The ceremony itself was extremely simple,” said Wheeler. “We’re told it was a spur-of-the-moment affair, and Elizabeth was annoyed that she didn’t have time to prepare a proper celebration.”

Lincoln did not line up his best man, circuit court employee James Matheny, until late in the afternoon of the ceremony. The bride wore a white muslin dress, but no veil or flowers.

Around thirty relatives and friends were in attendance at the wedding, which went smoothly except for one hitch. Standing behind Lincoln was state Supreme Court justice Thomas Browne, who listened impatiently as the groom slipped the wedding ring on Mary’s finger and pledged, with legal jargon evident, “with this ring I thee endow all my goods, chattels, lands, and tenements.”

Browne, who was never known for tact, snapped, “the statute fixes that, Lord Jesus Christ, God Almighty, Lincoln.”

The ring, however, was more solemn. Engraved inside the golden band were the words “Love is Eternal.” A celebratory dinner, with wedding cake that was still warm, was then served before the Lincolns left for their new home, an eight-by-fourteen room at the Globe Tavern, a two-story wooden structure in downtown Springfield. The rent was $4 per week.

On Aug. 1, 1843, the first of the four Lincoln sons, Robert Todd, was born -- three days shy of nine months since the Lincolns’ marriage.

The Lincolns remained at the Globe for a year until briefly renting a four-room cottage nearby. The couple then purchased their longtime home at Eighth and Jackson from Rev. Charles Dresser, an Episcopalian who had performed their marriage ceremony, in 1844 for $1,500.

The Lincoln marriage proved a good match, as both shared intellect, ambition, and mutual respect. The couple was holding hands in the Presidential box at Ford’s Theater on April 14, 1865, when John Wilkes Booth fired the bullet that took Lincoln’s life the next day. Mary, wracked with emotional instabilities, never recovered.

Wheeler discounts many claims that label the Lincoln marriage as unhappy and often blame Mary’s temperamental personality. He asserts that the marriage was mutually fulfilling for both husband and wife.

“Now those who would argue that the marriage was pure bliss are also not quite honest with the evidence,” remarked Wheeler. “But Abraham and Mary’s marriage was a real one, complete with challenges and successes. Both were aware of each other’s faults and loved one another despite them.”

[Susan Higginbotham]

Nice article!

[Donna McCreary]

I enjoyed reading your article. It well describes the Lincoln marriage.

[L Verge]

Very good piece, Tom. Would you mind forwarding it to one Prof. M.B.?

P.S. Nice to have you back posting -- and Donna, I meant to welcome you back a few days ago.

[RJNorton]

I have read that Mary and Abraham actually wanted to get married on Thursday, November 3rd, but when Elizabeth Edwards was informed of the plans, it was decided that the marriage would be delayed by one day as the Episcopal sewing society was meeting at the Edwards' home that night (the 3rd), and the supper had already been ordered.

Is this the way it happened?

[Gene C]

Sew that's the reason?

[ELCore]

Thanks for sharing.

[Steve]

Great article!