"The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington"

[Linda Anderson]

The White House correspondents' dinner will be held tonight. It will be available on TV and online.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts...nd-online/

Here are some good one liners from our presidents plus a picture of Lincoln with a cell phone.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts...tyle_pop_b

[RJNorton]

Thank you for posting this, Linda!

Regarding the one liner that is attributed to Lincoln...It has been said that during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, when opponent Stephen Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced, Lincoln turned to the audience and said, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

However, in doing a search of Lincoln's speeches, etc., I have not been able to verify that this ever really occurred.

So, yes, the quote is attributed to Lincoln. But I have not been independently successful in verifying that he actually said it.

I wonder if anyone has had more success than me in researching this quote. I'd love to know if it really happened as tradition indicates.

[Eva Elisabeth]

No, I haven't either. I researched it once because M. Burlingame "quoted" it as Lincoln's words in an interview. I had never read in a "serious" book or article, so I was amazed he credited it to Abraham Lincoln and tried to find if there was a contemporary/reliable source but drew a blank.

---

PS: Thanks from me, too, Linda!

[loetar44]

Please note:

http://www.greatamericanhistory.net/linc...idthat.htm

[Linda Anderson]

The author Dan Zak writes, "Some zingers have less zing than others. Some are flat, some are apocryphal, some are just threats..."

Zak gives a list of his sources at the end of the article.

Sources: “Presidential Anecdotes” by Paul F. Boller Jr., “White House Wit, Wisdom and Wisecracks: The Greatest Presidential Quotes,” by Phil Dampier and Ashley Walton, “The Wit & Wisdom of Ronald Reagan,” by James C. Humes, “The Ford Presidency: A History,” by Andrew Downer Crain, “American in Quotations,” by Bahman Dehgan, “Presidential Leadership in an Age of Change,” by Michael A. Genovese, the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, “Rainbow’s End: The Crash of 1929,” by Maury Klein, the National Library for the Study of George Washington (at Mount Vernon), “The American Presidents from Polk to Hayes: What They Did, What They Said & What Was Said about Them,” by Robert A. Nowlan, “American Statesmen, Second Series, Volume III,” by Charles Sumner Olcott, “Crazy Sh*t Presidents Said,” by Robert Schnakenberg, Smithsonian.com, and the archives of the New York Times and The Washington Post.

[David Lockmiller]

(04-30-2016 02:35 PM)RJNorton Wrote:  Thank you for posting this, Linda!

Regarding the one liner that is attributed to Lincoln...It has been said that during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, when opponent Stephen Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced, Lincoln turned to the audience and said, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

However, in doing a search of Lincoln's speeches, etc., I have not been able to verify that this ever really occurred.

So, yes, the quote is attributed to Lincoln. But I have not been independently successful in verifying that he actually said it.

I wonder if anyone has had more success than me in researching this quote. I'd love to know if it really happened as tradition indicates.

My favorite Lincoln humorous, self-deprecating story is the following:

A Mr. Addison, a Federal officer from Baltimore, called upon Lincoln to tender his resignation, whereupon Lincoln said: "All right, Addison, I accept your resignation, but nothing can compensate me for the loss of you, for when you retire I will the ugliest man left in the employ of the Government." -- Isaac Markens (from "Lincoln Talks, A Biography in Anecdote" by Emanuel Hertz at page 264)

[Eva Elisabeth]

(05-26-2016 04:43 PM)David Lockmiller Wrote:  

(04-30-2016 02:35 PM)RJNorton Wrote:  Thank you for posting this, Linda!

Regarding the one liner that is attributed to Lincoln...It has been said that during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, when opponent Stephen Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced, Lincoln turned to the audience and said, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

However, in doing a search of Lincoln's speeches, etc., I have not been able to verify that this ever really occurred.

So, yes, the quote is attributed to Lincoln. But I have not been independently successful in verifying that he actually said it.

I wonder if anyone has had more success than me in researching this quote. I'd love to know if it really happened as tradition indicates.

My favorite Lincoln humorous, self-deprecating story is the following:

A Mr. Addison, a Federal officer from Baltimore, called upon Lincoln to tender his resignation, whereupon Lincoln said: "All right, Addison, I accept your resignation, but nothing can compensate me for the loss of you, for when you retire I will the ugliest man left in the employ of the Government." -- Isaac Markens (from "Lincoln Talks, A Biography in Anecdote" by Emanuel Hertz at page 264)

I've never heard this before, and somehow I do not want to believe Abraham Lincoln said this. Please forgive me, I'm afraid I don't share the kind of humor of this one as IMO it's first of all deprecating Mr. Addison, calling him the ugliest man in the Government. I don't see the fun in saying that to someone. There's a grain of truth in every joke, so it's likely unecessarily hurtful, even if just somewhere deep inside.

[David Lockmiller]

(05-26-2016 05:38 PM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  

(05-26-2016 04:43 PM)David Lockmiller Wrote:  

(04-30-2016 02:35 PM)RJNorton Wrote:  Thank you for posting this, Linda!

Regarding the one liner that is attributed to Lincoln...It has been said that during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, when opponent Stephen Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced, Lincoln turned to the audience and said, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

However, in doing a search of Lincoln's speeches, etc., I have not been able to verify that this ever really occurred.

So, yes, the quote is attributed to Lincoln. But I have not been independently successful in verifying that he actually said it.

I wonder if anyone has had more success than me in researching this quote. I'd love to know if it really happened as tradition indicates.

My favorite Lincoln humorous, self-deprecating story is the following:

A Mr. Addison, a Federal officer from Baltimore, called upon Lincoln to tender his resignation, whereupon Lincoln said: "All right, Addison, I accept your resignation, but nothing can compensate me for the loss of you, for when you retire I will the ugliest man left in the employ of the Government." -- Isaac Markens (from "Lincoln Talks, A Biography in Anecdote" by Emanuel Hertz at page 264)

I've never heard this before, and somehow I do not want to believe Abraham Lincoln said this. Please forgive me, I'm afraid I don't share the kind of humor of this one as IMO it's first of all deprecating Mr. Addison, calling him the ugliest man in the Government. I don't see the fun in saying that to someone. There's a grain of truth in every joke, so it's likely unecessarily hurtful, even if just somewhere deep inside.

I am sorry that you took offense by this. When you're not the handsomest, you know it. [He's hot, and by implication you're not.] Lincoln knew it. And Mr. Addison knew it. I have known it. It is a knowledge that is shared. We're not all Robert Redford's or Sean Connery's (007).

It applies to women as well. In times of war, women make themselves as unattractive as possible in a war zone because pretty girls know that they are the ones that will be the first targets of sexual violence. Pretty girls sometimes pose as young men as a defense measure. I have even heard of young women in war zones make themselves smell as bad as possible. [If you have ever ridden several thousand Muni buses in San Francisco, as I have, you know what this means with some street people. I was on a bus once when the bus driver threw a man off the bus because he smelled so bad. But most times, the bus passengers just have to endure in silence.]

Lincoln told a variety of jokes where such men as he share this common "ugly" joke. Usually, the joke in those foregone times involved passing on some object, such as pen knife, to a man who may be close to you in unattractiveness.

One of the funny stories that I considered posting as a funny joke was a variation on this theme. At the risk of possibly offending you once again, I repeat it.

Now, I have some good news for you. I started looking for the story that I had in mind but I came across another Lincoln self-deprecating story fiirst that I thought you might enjoy even more:

Some politicians had called on President Lincoln, to urge the appointment of some of their friends to positions in a certain department. By way of refusal the President told the following story:

"Gentlemen, the conditions in that department put me in mind of the time that a young friend and myself tried to court the two daughters of a peppery widow living near our house. The old lady kept a lot of hounds.

"We had not been in the house long before one of the hounds came into the room, and lay down by the fire. In a little while another one came to the door. He didn't get in, for the old lady gave him a kick, saying: "Get out of here! There's too many dogs in here now!"

"We concluded to court some other girls."

-- Senator James Harlan in "Lincoln Talks" Hertz @ page 242.

Again, I mean no offense to anyone. I share the highest opinion of many great men and women regarding President Abraham Lincoln, in his own time and well beyond.

[Gene C]

Along the same lines, I have always liked Lincoln's comeback when he was accused of being two-faced.

http://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/bob-ma...olns-smile

[David Lockmiller]

A young lady, who had known Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln for years, visited Washington. She was an exceptionally sensible, warm-hearted, refined woman, gifted with a marvelous voice and a graceful figure, but she was very homely. She called at the White House, and when she had gone with his wife into a private room, Mr. Lincoln expressed his surprise to a friend that “some good man had not been lucky enough to marry her,” adding: “L---- herself would be much happier if she were a wife and mother.”

A few moments later Major C----, a volunteer officer, thoroughly respected by the President, and a bachelor, came into the study. Mr. Lincoln looked at him thoughtfully.

“What are you going to do when the war is over, C----?” he asked suddenly.

“Seek my fortune, I suppose,” was the startled reply.

“There it is in that room.” A frank, girlish laugh was heard at the moment. “No, you can’t go to seek it now; business first. But there it is.”

That evening there was a reception at the White House. The President beckoned to Major C----.

“Listen!” he said.

A lady, whom they could not see because of the crowd, was singing, in a voice of great beauty and sweetness, some gay song. The major would have moved forward but Mr. Lincoln detained him, his eyes twinkling with shrewd fun.

“Wait a bit,” he said. “Don’t look at her face yet.”

Presently she sang a ballad with such pathos that the major’s eyes grew dim.
“Now go. She’s as good and true as her song.”

The good word of Mr. Lincoln probably influenced both parties. In a few months they were married.

“I did one wise thing in 1864,” Mr. Lincoln said, rubbing his chin, as was his wont when pleased; “I made that match.”

-- New York Times, Friday, November 29, 1878

How can this story be true? "I did one wise thing in 1864," Mr. Lincoln said.