Why didn't Mary visit the Holy Land?

[Donna McCreary]

It was not abnormal, extreme, or crazy for a woman to remain in mourning attire for the rest of her life. When I study 19th century photos, I begin to think that most widows wore mourning for the rest of their lives. Photos of my own family members show many, many widows wearing not only mourning jewelry, but also the deepest mourning articles of clothing including black collars and under sleeves. Many historians comment that Queen Victoria set the standard for mourning customs. If this is so, then the 'standard' was to remain in mourning. Even Mary Lincoln's half-sister, Emilie Todd Helm, remained in mourning until her dying day in 1930. Plus, we must remember that a woman in mourning does not always mean a woman is a widow. Women were required to wear mourning for parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, children - and many women in the south wore mourning for 'the lost cause.' Many women, including Mary Lincoln, found themselves in a perpetual stage of mourning.

Did Mary ever come out of mourning? Yes, she did -- for one day. In 1871, Mary was at St. James Court. She wore a white silk gown trimmed in coral. Her jewelry was coral, but contained many mourning symbols - a wreath, cherubs, lilies. Why did she not wear mourning that day? It would have been inappropriate to out mourn Queen Victoria in her own palace. Now, this brings up an entire new question as to who was presiding at St. James that day. We know in one letter, Mary wrote that the Queen was not present. What we do not know is did Mary go back to St. James and see Queen Victoria? or did she only go the one time, and if so, who was there?

The story about Tad asking Mary not to wear mourning is mixed up. The story is that Tad requested Mary not to wear deep mourning on his 18th birthday. She granted his request and wore a lighter shade of black and something more in style with full mourning instead of deep mourning. In Gore Vidal's work, he had Mary granting Tad's wish by trotting out wearing something from 1861. In the movie, "The Last of Mrs. Lincoln," Mary utters some silly line about wearing the gown that she wore when she danced with Senator Douglas at the inauguration in 1861. She is costumed wearing an 1861 dress, but not the inaugural gown.

At her death, Mary was given a 'white funeral.' Her casket lining and her dress were made of white silk.

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(02-11-2013 08:19 AM)LincolnMan Wrote:  Maybe her faith was shook up with everything that happened. Maybe she was "mad" at God-and so the thought of going there was off the table. Just guessing...

Mary's letters are full of comments about her faith and God. In one letter written in April 1865 she wrote: “In my crushing sorrow, I have found myself doubting the goodness of the Almighty!”

Yet just one month latter when she expressed her doubts she wrote: “Yet I know, a great sin, is committed when we feel thus.”

From then on her, letters speak of God's will, His loving guidance, and her faith.