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The prologue
11-05-2012, 11:28 AM
Post: #16
RE: The prologue
Rob,

I finally had a chance to read the Prologue, and it is very good and very moving. I can find nothing wrong with your style, and I would never change context on anyone unless it is clearly confusing and erroneous.

Since I am teased about being the Queen of Commas, however, I did find a few places where ones are needed. However, my computer refuses to save the Acrobat file to anything except read only. Is it possible to send those pages to me in Word 97-2003 as an e-mail attachment to laurie.verge@pgparks.com? Otherwise, I can print the pages out and red-ink them and then send to you via USPS if you supply your address.
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11-05-2012, 11:38 AM
Post: #17
RE: The prologue
Sent to your e-mail. Thanks!

Best
Rob

Abraham Lincoln in the only man, dead or alive, with whom I could have spent five years without one hour of boredom.
--Ida M. Tarbell

I want the respect of intelligent men, but I will choose for myself the intelligent.
--Carl Sandburg
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11-07-2012, 09:47 AM
Post: #18
RE: The prologue
[align=center][Image: getattachment13x.jpg]

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Rob: How's the writing going?

Bill Nash
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11-07-2012, 04:31 PM
Post: #19
RE: The prologue
Rob, overall this is very good but you need a hook. The first couple of sentences should encourage the reader to continue on. Maybe something about the presence of two titans filling the room… Was there ever any controversy between the two? I would like to sense the feeling Sandburg had that day. Was it joy in his task or sadness that Ida could not be there. Do we know how Ida felt about not attending? Make it emotional and then explain the outcome.

The college newspaper, The Campus, overflowed with homecoming-related news. Freshmen
were asked, in defiance of long-time tradition, not to wear their pajamas to the homecoming
football game against long-time rival Grove City as a scheduled “fight” between the freshmen
Repetitious - Time honored tradition

Carl Sandburg, the featured speaker for the dedication of the Lincoln Room, smiled at students
from the front page of the paper. Students and alumni could meet Sandburg at what was billed as
First I thought he smiled from behind the front page of the paper but that did not make sense. Maybe you can reword the sentence to make it clear his face was printed on the page.
Evidence of that appeared in Sandburg’s presence.
Wouldn’t he have attended anyway?
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11-07-2012, 06:20 PM
Post: #20
RE: The prologue
Quote:Rob: How's the writing going?

Bill,

Thanks for asking. I've got the prologue out to a couple of friends who are reading it over, and I'm letting it sit while I continue to print out Tarbell's letters.

Quote:Rob, overall this is very good but you need a hook. The first couple of sentences should encourage the reader to continue on. Maybe something about the presence of two titans filling the room… Was there ever any controversy between the two? I would like to sense the feeling Sandburg had that day. Was it joy in his task or sadness that Ida could not be there. Do we know how Ida felt about not attending? Make it emotional and then explain the outcome.

The college newspaper, The Campus, overflowed with homecoming-related news. Freshmen
were asked, in defiance of long-time tradition, not to wear their pajamas to the homecoming
football game against long-time rival Grove City as a scheduled “fight” between the freshmen
Repetitious - Time honored tradition

Carl Sandburg, the featured speaker for the dedication of the Lincoln Room, smiled at students
from the front page of the paper. Students and alumni could meet Sandburg at what was billed as
First I thought he smiled from behind the front page of the paper but that did not make sense. Maybe you can reword the sentence to make it clear his face was printed on the page.
Evidence of that appeared in Sandburg’s presence.
Wouldn’t he have attended anyway?

Thanks for the comments. I have changed some of it to be a little more explanatory, and I'm also thinking of adding some more detail about Tarbell and more of her feelings, although she was very reticent with most people, so it's not easy to find.

Best
Rob

Abraham Lincoln in the only man, dead or alive, with whom I could have spent five years without one hour of boredom.
--Ida M. Tarbell

I want the respect of intelligent men, but I will choose for myself the intelligent.
--Carl Sandburg
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11-07-2012, 07:37 PM
Post: #21
RE: The prologue
I would hesitate to add too much more to the prologue. It's already about eight pages, and readers may skip over some pages to get to the meat of the book. To me, prologues quickly set the stage and then move into the body of the work.
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11-12-2012, 08:02 PM
Post: #22
RE: The prologue
Please forgive me, but I've just got to brag a little.

I've been very fortunate in that I've got the support of some good friends (and excellent writers) when it comes to my own writing. This weekend, I took a major chance and asked Kathleen Brady, author of the only biography of Ida Tarbell in print, if she would read my prologue. She said she would be happy to. Happily, and then somewhat nervously (OK, I was tremendously nervous) I sent it to her. I don't want to repeat the whole thing, because much of it is technical, but here's part of what she wrote back:

"You write wonderfully well, and my initial reaction was to tell you that the prologue is perfect. Putting more thought into it (and listening to the little jingle bell that was going off in my head) I still think it is close to perfect, but I do want to raise a few points."

Part of my goal was to capture the pathos of what it must have felt like for Tarbell to realize her time in the sun was fading. Here is what Brady told me:

"I do think you have captured Ida's melancholy mood and her graciousness."

Finally:

"Your prologue is so beautiful that I winch as I draft this email because I am more interested here in giving you ideas than in presenting my best prose, syntax or spelling."

She closed with "Go get 'em Rob!!!

Yeah, I'm happy.

Best
Rob

Abraham Lincoln in the only man, dead or alive, with whom I could have spent five years without one hour of boredom.
--Ida M. Tarbell

I want the respect of intelligent men, but I will choose for myself the intelligent.
--Carl Sandburg
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11-12-2012, 09:51 PM
Post: #23
RE: The prologue
I am happy for you Rob,like I said,You Have a Gift!!!!!
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11-13-2012, 05:39 AM
Post: #24
RE: The prologue
Well said, Herb. Go for it, Rob!
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