Lincoln and Ann Rutledge

[Eva Elisabeth]

The facts we know are mainly that they were married till death did part them, that they had four children, and the letters A. L. wrote Mary, which sound affectionate and don't give any hint on a malfunctioning marriage. Example:

"Washington, April 16, 1848
Dear Mary:

In this troublesome world we are
never quite satisfied. When you were
here, I thought you hindered me some
in attending to business; but now,
having nothing but business — no van-
ity — it has grown exceedingly taste-
less to me. I hate to sit down and di-
rect documents, and I hate to stay in
this old room by myself...I am afraid you will get so well and fat and young as to be
wanting to marry again.
Most Affectionately,
A. Lincoln."

Most letters begin with "My dear wife". I recommend to take a look at them:
http://archive.org/stream/lincolnkinsman...r_djvu.txt
(...BTW, this site is headlined "THIRTY-FOUR TELEGRAMS AND LETTERS WHICH REVEAL LINCOLN'S TENDER REGARD FOR HIS FAMILY")

The reliability of the accounts by others is a matter of speculation. Most were stated after his death, and AFAIK Herndon was eager to get such statements that worked well to support his (anti-Mary) point of view.

David, I don't see what else your third quote proves than that he was figuring out the possible changes and consequences, and whether he wanted to make a lifelong lasting decision at all. He might have done the same in case the bride's name had been Ann Rutledge. Speed was, regarding his wedding day and decision, nervous in the same way (as many other grooms and brides) - which was why A. L. sounded out him - so I assume you doubt Speed's happiness in his married life, too?

Also, if he did, who knows if Lincoln was not kidding when he said he was going to hell? He was nervous, like many on that day, and I bet many grooms utter such uncouth statements without seriously meaning what they said. We don't know the entire context and situation.

And, David, may I ask for your comment on that allegedly A. L., regarding Mary's tempers, once said: "It does her a power of good, and it doesn't hurt me any." (As for the reliability - I'm afraid I can only give Stefan Lorrant in 1955 as a source.)

Nevertheless (that this might be not a proven fact) I would like to add one quote - also to ask if someone knows the original source (I quote from W.E.Reck's "...His Last 24 Hours"):

"We must both, be more cheerful in the future - between the war and the loss of our darling Willie - we have both, been very miserable...Mary, we have had a hard time of it since we came to Washington, but the war is over, and with God's blessing we may hope for four years of peace and happyness, and then we will go back to Illinois and pass the rest of our lives in quiet..."

Would you talk in that manner about future plans, together, after almost 24 years of marriage, with a spouse you would like to escape from?