The Truth about Abraham and Mary's Marriage

[Laurie Verge]

The first thing I would recommend is a new book entitled The Mary Lincoln Enigma. It's a series of essays that covers so many facets of Mary and her relationships with nearly everyone. It is excellent. We have also debated some of this in previous threads here, so you might want to skim over some of our old postings

That said, my personal opinion is that Abe and Mary had a love match that worked for them. This may sound silly, but I see Lincoln as a person who understood and accepted various personalities. I think that he appreciated Mary's knowledge and her upper-class social skills and that he could learn from her and communicate on the same basic level.

I also believe that, over the years, he watched her temperment deteriorate and adjusted his responses to her words and actions accordingly. He took his wedding vows seriously. Divorce was possible, but definitely a social no-no.

On the part of Abe, I think love, patience, and understanding were key to his surviving his marriage. I think his frequent absences hurt Mary, but probably helped him in coping. Along the same lines, however, he must have realized the effect that his traveling had on her and compensated with being kinder to her.

As for Mary, I think she loved him deeply and also accepted his emotional eccentricities. Both of them compromised to make things work - and their children were the glue that held the frazzled ends together.