Grant and Lincoln's invitation

[Linda Anderson]

(10-13-2014 05:29 AM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  Thanks, Linda. To me a very important point is that "Mrs. Lincoln begged to be excused".
The main remaining question - does "came to pay a call" mean they were invited and/or expected, or did they come unexpectedly?

If that was the case I would consider Fanny's assumption that "the truth of Mrs. L'.s engagement was probably that she did not want to see Mother" quite an egocentric accusation, and, as I previously stated, the fact that the Sewards were let in to me rather indicates that Mary indeed first intended to make up time for them but simply couldn't make it due to her schedule and maybe due to the latest developments regarding the refurbishing scandal.

Giving general directions to the doorkeeper to let no one in was not the Lincolns' policy, they didn't want a locked White House like Congressman Lincoln experienced under Polk's presidency, but that still doesn't mean the Lincolns' shedule allows them to be available at any time. Perhaps the Seward ladies would also have judged milder if they had themselves experienced what it means to fulfil the busy schedule of a First Lady?

Eva, perhaps Mrs. Lincoln was available to callers at a certain time each day and would not expect to know who would show up. Fanny writes, however, that it was "...the only time on record that she ever refused to see company in the evening - she generally sits in state, Anna found her & Mrs. Grimsley the former in pink tarleton and the latter in yellow - ball dresses, for chance callers once)." The Seward ladies would have also judged milder if they didn't know that Mrs. Lincoln did not care for Mr. Seward, to put it mildly! What you call "quite egocentric" may be just them taking that into account. We also have only Fanny's diary to go by. She didn't write about what other people said about them being turned away. Perhaps the doorman looked sheepish. There would have been all kinds of signals going on that contributed to Fanny's assertion that they were snubbed.

It is common sense to me that, unless there was a dire emergency, you do not refuse to see your husband's Secretary of State and his family when they come to pay their first courtesy call.

Being the class act that she was, Fanny managed to find something good to say about Mrs. Lincoln in her diary.

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(10-13-2014 05:13 AM)loetar44 Wrote:  

(10-12-2014 07:10 PM)Linda Anderson Wrote:  I think we are talking about two separate things. I wasn't talking about Mary Lincoln after the assassination but the Mary Lincoln who snubbed the Sewards and who spent too much money on furnishings for the White House.

Linda I also talked about Mary before April 1865. After the murder of AL it all got much worser for her. I think Mary’s excessive buying behavior was giving her a sense of relief . It was compulsive, she could not control it. This goes imo also for her “compulsive wanting” (right expression?) and her snubbing.

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That's a good point, Kees. Was Mary mentally ill? If not, why was she allowed to get away with such behavior? If she did suffer from mental illness, would have it been possible to have her learn the consequences of her actions? One such consequence, of course, was that she was treated terribly by others once Lincoln was no longer there to protect her. Did Lincoln "enable" her? There's no blame here, by the way. He did the best he could under the circumstances, I think.