Lincoln & Herndon

[BettyO]

Quote:...how far were weddings rather acceptable, rational arrangements and agreements rather than predominantly/ solely matters of love compared to nowadays? E.g. in cases when the Miss advanced in age? How influential were parents (especially from "upper" social classes) on their daughters/sons decisions?

Parents' decisions on marriage mattered a great deal more in the Victorian era than they do now, of course. The gentleman had to present himself, usually before the father and ask for the daughter's hand in marriage. This was usually done in private without the daughter present. Things were taken in consideration as to the potential groom's age, education, social status, employment, etc. So it was pretty important. The girl's father could make or break a marriage if he refused her hand.

Of course, couples still eloped, but then the parents were usually pretty unrelenting. Although it's not set in the Victorian era, but in the Regency/Federal period, remember when Jane Austin's Lydia ran off with Mr. Wickham in Pride and Prejudice. They eloped and married so this sort of thing was going on for a long, long time. The father could be unforgiving in such a situation.

I can't say for certain whether or not Mr. Lincoln would have considered these things other than Mary was pretty, popular and wealthy. I don't know (does anyone?) if Mr. Lincoln asked Mr. Todd for Mary's hand as would have been done. Such a marriage could advance Mr. Lincoln's career - and Mary obviously saw ambition and potential in Mr. Lincoln - notwithstanding the fact that they were physically attracted to each other. Mr. Lincoln in his youth was not too bad looking a man, I think.

Marriage was a "career" and basically the only career for middle class to upper class women in the Victorian era - usually outside of servitude, although there were mill girls, girls working in factories, as clerks in retail stores and actually in service as maids. Definitely NOT something that an upper class lady like Mary Todd would ascribe to.