Did Lincoln Regret Marrying Mary?

[Rob Wick]

I think there are two different points here, though. The first is why did Lincoln wed Mary (I started to write "marry Mary" but thought better of it) and the second is was the marriage a source of regret to him for his entire life?

People get married for all sorts of reasons. From my admittedly limited understanding of the history of marriage, the concept of marrying for love is (at least in historical terms) rather recent. Most people who married did so for accumulation or consolidation of property or to keep a particular bloodline from being "contaminated" by outside forces. Many societies arranged marriages (and still do) that had nothing to do with love. As this applies to Lincoln, there could be an argument made that Mary was not his first choice, compared to Ann Rutledge or Matilda Edwards, but Rutledge died and Edwards said no. Had Lincoln done so out of a sense of honor, that still would not, in my view, have been a horrible reason.

But when one factors in my second question, I think that's where I get my answer. If you remember "Fiddler On the Roof," the two main characters, Tevye and Golde, were brought together in an arranged marriage but they grew to love each other. Their daughters, however, had other ideas. They wanted to marry for love and could never have done what their parents did. Tzietel would have acceded to her father's wishes that she marry Lazar Wolf but Tevye realized his daughter's happiness meant more to him then his time-honored tradition.

Lincoln had as an early influence the marriage between his father and Sarah Bush Johnston. When Thomas Lincoln went back to Kentucky to get a wife, I doubt that love was a major factor in his decision. He may have had feelings for Sarah, but his children needed a mother, and that was more important. Lincoln had to have felt that and took it in, even subconsciously. When he realized that he had to go through with the marriage, whether out of a sense of honor or out of feelings for Mary, he was really doing the same as his father, although for obviously different reasons. But he grew to love Mary, and the times they shared, and the children they lost, cemented a bond between them that only grew stronger.

Best
Rob