The prologue
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11-07-2012, 04:31 PM
Post: #19
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RE: The prologue
Rob, overall this is very good but you need a hook. The first couple of sentences should encourage the reader to continue on. Maybe something about the presence of two titans filling the room… Was there ever any controversy between the two? I would like to sense the feeling Sandburg had that day. Was it joy in his task or sadness that Ida could not be there. Do we know how Ida felt about not attending? Make it emotional and then explain the outcome.
The college newspaper, The Campus, overflowed with homecoming-related news. Freshmen were asked, in defiance of long-time tradition, not to wear their pajamas to the homecoming football game against long-time rival Grove City as a scheduled “fight” between the freshmen Repetitious - Time honored tradition Carl Sandburg, the featured speaker for the dedication of the Lincoln Room, smiled at students from the front page of the paper. Students and alumni could meet Sandburg at what was billed as First I thought he smiled from behind the front page of the paper but that did not make sense. Maybe you can reword the sentence to make it clear his face was printed on the page. Evidence of that appeared in Sandburg’s presence. Wouldn’t he have attended anyway? |
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Messages In This Thread |
The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-27-2012, 10:21 AM
RE: The prologue - RJNorton - 10-27-2012, 03:10 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-27-2012, 03:48 PM
RE: The prologue - L Verge - 10-27-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: The prologue - Dawn E Foster - 10-27-2012, 04:30 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-27-2012, 04:16 PM
RE: The prologue - L Verge - 10-27-2012, 06:10 PM
RE: The prologue - Dawn E Foster - 10-27-2012, 06:40 PM
RE: The prologue - Gene C - 10-27-2012, 08:57 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-28-2012, 10:22 AM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-28-2012, 02:16 PM
RE: The prologue - Craig Hipkins - 10-28-2012, 04:45 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-28-2012, 04:56 PM
RE: The prologue - LincolnMan - 10-28-2012, 06:57 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 10-28-2012, 07:09 PM
RE: The prologue - Laurie Verge - 11-05-2012, 11:28 AM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 11-05-2012, 11:38 AM
RE: The prologue - LincolnMan - 11-07-2012, 09:47 AM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 11-07-2012, 06:20 PM
RE: The prologue - Rsmyth - 11-07-2012 04:31 PM
RE: The prologue - L Verge - 11-07-2012, 07:37 PM
RE: The prologue - Rob Wick - 11-12-2012, 08:02 PM
RE: The prologue - HerbS - 11-12-2012, 09:51 PM
RE: The prologue - RJNorton - 11-13-2012, 05:39 AM
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