Robert Todd Lincoln --The vitals

[kerry]

(01-30-2018 07:02 AM)RJNorton Wrote:  Back to the topic of two weddings - did the first one happen as Herndon described or not? What is the truth? Here is what Herndon wrote:

"The time fixed for the marriage was the first day of January, 1841. Careful preparations for the happy occasion were made at the Edwards mansion. The house underwent the customary renovation; the furniture was properly arranged, the rooms neatly decorated, the supper prepared, and the guests invited. The latter assembled on the evening in question, and awaited in expectant pleasure the interesting ceremony of marriage. The bride, bedecked in veil and silken gown, and nervously toying with the flowers in her hair, sat in the adjoining room. Nothing was lacking but the groom. For some strange reason he had been delayed. An hour passed, and the guests, as well as the bride, were becoming restless. But they were all doomed to disappointment. Another hour passed; messengers were sent out over town, and each returning with the same report, it became apparent that Lincoln, the principal in this little drama, had purposely failed to appear. The bride, in grief, disappeared to her room; the wedding supper was left untouched; the guests quietly and wonderingly withdrew; the lights in the Edwards mansion were blown out, and darkness settled over all for the night. What the feelings of a lady as sensitive, passionate, and proud as Miss Todd were, we can only imagine; no one can ever describe them. By daybreak, after persistent search, Lincoln's friends found him. Restless, gloomy, miserable, desperate, he seemed an object of pity. His friends, Speed among the number, fearing a tragic termination, watched him closely in their rooms day and night. 'Knives and razors, and every instrument that could be used for self-destruction, were removed from his reach.' Mrs. Edwards did not hesitate to regard him as insane, and of course her sister Mary shared in that view."

What really happened? Did Herndon totally create this? Partially create this? Tell the truth?

He was basing it all on Elizabeth Edwards' tale, as far as I know. He then dressed it up with the details about her hair etc. as is common. The reason I don't really buy that Elizabeth confused the two sisters' weddings is 1) she first said this in 1865 or 1866 and never corrected it and 2) Ninian tells her she's talking to a journalist, aka don't reveal anything juicy.

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(01-30-2018 03:01 PM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  If there were wedding intentions in 1841 and whoever got cold feet I don't understand the fuss about it respectively to see some negative indication "into this". As for the situation, family and other life circumstances and background of both of them in those days I find it mist understandable. For Abraham it meant quite the financial obligation in times when it wasn't to expect from wives to add income to the living, plus Mary came from a quite fastidious end of society, and I understand the worries not being able to provide his bride a likewise future. And v.v. Mary might have fretted as for losing all.

The fact that despite a possible "reasonable" or whatever reasoned separation they "couldn't let from each other" and finally married despite all these IMO speaks much more (positive).

I completely agree with this. They were so different -- having doubts isn't odd; what would be odd is having no doubts in their situation. The fact that they would even consider each other shows that they weren't looking for someone just like them. Some people let it set the whole tone of the marriage, as though even if there was a rough beginning, after 20 years and 4 kids together there wasn't any attachment; it was just a matter of "honor." I do find it significant that Speed said they married for honor, but there is no way all the people who married "for love" after knowing each other in a chaperoned manner for 3 months were in love. The fact is, most people married for practical reasons hopefully mixed with some spark of attraction, and a bond developed with time. To me, it is much more significant that they couldn't stay apart after what was obviously some sort of breakup, even if we can't pin it down. And that they didn't find others despite being on the high end of marriageable age. They also shared a love of banter, satire, politics, and permissive parenting that Lincoln may not have found with the more 'traditional' woman people are always saying Lincoln would have been more domestic with. The fact that he got anywhere near Mary would lead me to believe he was intrigued by women who were not docile. The vast majority of the presidents, in my opinion, enjoyed having a wife who challenged them and actively sought that. The first ladies were all pretty cool women. People who spent time with them at the White House always commented that they were different but got along well; undoubtedly there were incidents, especially in Springfield, but Gourley who spent a lot of time with them came to the same judgment.