Robert Todd Lincoln --The vitals

[kerry]

(01-21-2018 05:26 AM)RJNorton Wrote:  

(01-21-2018 12:56 AM)kerry Wrote:  (like the Edwards saying there were two weddings)

Was it Elizabeth Edwards who said this in a later interview? Could she have been confusing Mary with her sister, Ann? Apparently Ann Marie Todd had a first wedding planned, but the groom (Clark Smith) didn't show; however, the two got married in a second planned wedding shortly thereafter.

I believe Elizabeth said it in two interviews, and in the second, with Weik, Ninian interrupted to remind her she was talking to a reporter. So it seems unlikely she was confused to me. I feel like there is more to the story, because it just doesn't seem like she would be confused about that and then not correct herself. It seems impossible to figure out what happened - the stories conflict everywhere.

Tarbell asked Mrs. Speed and she said she'd never heard of the 2 weddings. I don't know the credibility of this, but John Hanks put forth a wedding invitation in 1881 from Lincoln for the next week, which if real, means it wasn't a one-day announcement. Somewhere I have an account of, I think, Martinette Hardin, talking about Mary being jilted either at a wedding or an engagement party. Some of the things I've come across that go beyond the normal courtship talk:

Mary consistently put out a story to non-Springfielders that she broke up with Lincoln over Douglas, but that it was a very short-lived thing. Dr. Henry apparently also promoted this story.

Thomas D. Jones wrote a book called Memories of Lincoln, published in 1934. In it he gave an anecdote he’d heard while researching in Springfield. “While Lincoln courted Miss Todd, he and Douglas were rivals for her hand. For some reason or other, and a woman always has a reason, Lincoln was discarded. The description of the effect it had upon him as it was told me by one of the actors that was present at the scene, I shall never forget. Several of Lincoln's friends feared that he would become insane, (that is the word), if not already mad. Finally Miss Todd was prevailed upon to see Lincoln. She consented. As an old friend of both related the incident: ‘We put them both in a room together and let them fight it out,’ and Lincoln was victorious.”

Harriet Chapman later said that Mary told her that “Mrs L. was engaged to Sen Douglas but she broke off engagement ― she became sick ― Douglas did not want to release her but her bro in law Dr Wallace who was treating her told Douglas he must give her up. Ms L. told Ms C. that she was engaged to D.” Mary always pushed the Douglas rivalry story, including that it was a battle of oratory. In addition to Mary’s claim that Lincoln had threatened to “blow [his] brains out” over her, she claimed that he also threatened to kill Douglas.

Gen. James Grant Wilson later recalled that at a “dinner that was given on the occasion of Douglas’s engagement to Ada Cutts . . . I remember that Gov. Aiken of South Carolina . . . was at the dinner.” Douglas recalled that he, Lincoln and Shields “promptly took it into our heads to fall in love with the beautiful lady,” recently arrived Mary Todd. “In course of time it was annoyed that Lincoln was the favored one. I presently ceased my visits to Miss Todd, but Shields continued to call rather to Lincoln’s disgust. He thought that Shields held Miss Todd’s hand longer than necessary in saying ‘good evening.’ Miss Todd and a friend of hers, in the spirit of mischief, wrote a skit in the form of a conversation between a grandmother and granddaughter. The old lady gave the young one much good advice, warning her especially against schoolmasters you would hold people’s hands. The thing was published in the local paper . . . The morning after . . . Shields appeared at the newspaper office with a hickory stick. ‘Tell me who wrote that thing,’ he said, ‘and I will break every bone in his body.’” The story continued that Lincoln took the blame, “chose Douglas as his second,” and the story is well known, although he claimed Shields fainted.

From Keckley’s book, we get Mary’s version of the story:

Mrs. Lincoln, as Miss Mary Todd, was quite a belle in Springfield, Illinois, and from all accounts she was fond of flirting. She generally managed to keep a half-dozen gentlemen biting at the hook that she baited so temptingly for them. The world, if I mistake not, are not aware that the rivalry between Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Stephen A. Douglas commenced over the hand of Miss Mary Todd. The young lady was ambitious, and she smiled more sweetly upon Mr. Douglas and Mr. Lincoln than any of her other admirers, as they were regarded as rising men. She played her part so well that neither of the rivals for a long time could tell who would win the day. Mr. Douglas first proposed for her hand, and she discarded him. The young man urged his suit boldly:

"Mary, you do not know what you are refusing. You have always had an ambition to become the wife of a President of the United States. Pardon the egotism, but I fear that in refusing my hand to-night you have thrown away your best chance to ever rule in the White House.”

"I do not understand you, Mr. Douglas.”

"Then I will speak more plainly. You know, Mary, that I am ambitious like yourself, and something seems to whisper in my ear, 'You will be President some day.' Depend upon it, I shall make a stubborn fight to win the proud position.”

"You have my best wishes, Mr. Douglas; still I cannot consent to be your wife. I shall become Mrs. President, or I am the victim of false prophets, but it will not be as Mrs. Douglas.”

I have this little chapter in a romantic history from the lips of Mrs. Lincoln herself.

. . . A few evenings after Mr. Douglas had been discarded, Mr. Lincoln made a formal proposal for the hand of Miss Todd, but it appears that the young lady was not willing to capitulate at once. She believed that she could send her lover adrift to-day and win him back to-morrow.

"You are bold, Mr. Lincoln.”

"Love makes me bold.”

"You honor me, pardon me, but I cannot consent to be your wife.”

"Is this your final answer, Miss Todd?" and the suitor rose nervously to his feet.

"I do not often jest, Mr. Lincoln. Why should I reconsider to-morrow my decision of to-day.”

"Excuse me. Your answer is sufficient. I was led to hope that I might become dearer to you than a friend, but the hope, it seems, has proved an idle one. I have the honor to say good night, Miss Todd," and pale, yet calm, Mr. Lincoln bowed himself out of the room.

He rushed to his office in a frantic state of mind. Dr. Henry, his most intimate friend, happened to come in, and was surprised to see the young lawyer walking the floor in an agitated manner.

"What is the matter, Lincoln? You look desperate.”

"Matter! I am sick of the world. It is a heartless, deceitful world, and I care not how soon I am out of it.”

"You rave. What has happened? Have you been quarrelling with your sweetheart?”

"Quarrel! I wish to God it was a quarrel, for then I could look forward to reconciliation; the girl has refused to become my wife, after leading me to believe that she loved me. She is a heartless coquette.”

"Don't give up the conquest so easily. Cheer up, man, you may succeed yet. Perhaps she is only testing your love.”

"No! I believe that she is going to marry Douglas. If she does I will blow my brains out.”

"Nonsense! That would not mend matters. Your brains were given to you for different use. Come, we will go to your room now. Go to bed and sleep on the question, and you will get up feeling stronger to-morrow;" and Dr. Henry took the arm of his friend Lincoln, led him home, and saw him safely in bed.

The next morning the doctor called at Mr. Lincoln's room, and found that his friend had passed a restless night. Excitement had brought on fever, which threatened to assume a violent form, as the cause of the excitement still remained. Several days passed, and Mr. Lincoln was confined to his bed. Dr. Henry at once determined to call on Miss Todd, and find out how desperate the case was. Miss Todd was glad to see him, and she was deeply distressed to learn that Mr. Lincoln was ill. She wished to go to him at once, but the Doctor reminded her that she was the cause of his illness. She frankly acknowledged her folly, saying that she only desired to test the sincerity of Mr. Lincoln's love, that he was the idol of her heart, and that she would become his wife.

The Doctor returned with joyful news to his patient. The intelligence proved the best remedy for the disease. Mutual explanations followed, and in a few months Mr. Lincoln led Miss Todd to the altar in triumph.”

Keckley made it absolutely clear that this was Mary’s official story, and that it was backed up by Dr. Henry:

“I learned these facts from Dr. Henry and Mrs. Lincoln. I believe them to be facts, and as such have recorded them. They do not agree with Mr. Herndon's story, that Mr. Lincoln never loved but one woman, and that woman was Ann Rutledge; but then Mr. Herndon's story must be looked upon as a pleasant piece of fiction. When it appeared, Mrs. Lincoln felt shocked that one who pretended to be the friend of her dead husband should deliberately seek to blacken his memory. Mr. Lincoln was far too honest a man to marry a woman that he did not love. He was a kind and an indulgent husband, and when he saw faults in his wife he excused them as he would excuse the impulsive acts of a child. In fact, Mrs. Lincoln was never more pleased than when the President called her his child-wife.”

The Edwards' son claimed his parents broke them up, but that there was no real breakup.

Albert Stevens Edwards, the son of Ninian and Elizabeth Edwards, later tried to correct misconceptions about the courtship. Clearly he had motive to smooth things over, but his contributions are still interesting. He said “with emphasis” that there was no foundation to the statement that Lincoln had left Mary at the altar . . . Lincoln was about 30, bright and jolly, and a great favorite with all of the young ladies at my father's. From 1837 to 1839 he was one of the most frequent visitors. There was nothing bashful about him. The ladies would urge him to call again. My father had a relative here from Alton, Matilda Edwards, daughter of Cyrus Edwards, a very bright girl. The family thought that Lincoln was much taken with Matilda, but nothing came of it beyond story-telling and fun-making . . . My mother and my father both liked Mr. Lincoln. Up to the time of the courtship they had made Lincoln welcome and had encouraged his visits. A cousin of my mother, John Todd Stuart, was the law partner of Mr. Lincoln. But my mother and my father at that time didn't want Mary to marry Mr. Lincoln. There was no objection to the match on the ground of Mr. Lincoln's character or social standing. But Mr. Lincoln then hadn't $500 to his name. He was just getting started in the practice of his profession. My mother and my father felt that he could not support Mary as they thought she ought to be maintained, and for that reason only they opposed the engagement. . . . During 1841 and 1842 my mother did what she could to break up the match.”

The author of A Reporter’s Lincoln, after talking to family still living, noted that “Mrs. Edwards did not resort to measures strenuous or extreme to prevent the marriage of her spirited sister, but she tried to avert it in her own way without hurting the feelings of Mr. Lincoln.” He also explained:

“Lincoln was 30 and Mary Todd was nearly 20 when their acquaintance began. Lincoln's law practice was very small. He had been admitted to the bar only a short time before. He felt the weight of the seriousness of the objection which Mrs. Edwards raised. The girl was deeply in love with him. She was impulsive and strong-willed. It fell to Lincoln to do some hard thinking for both of them. That he had periods of depression and despondency, as he contemplated his unfortunate financial condition and realized what was expected of him, is not to be wondered.”

"When Lincoln saw that his attentions to my aunt were looked upon coldly by my mother and father, his visits to our house became less frequent," Mr. Edwards said. "But that did not mean a suspension of the courtship. Lincoln and Mary arranged to meet at the houses of mutual friends. One of the houses where they were made welcome and where they met often was the residence of Simeon Francis . . . There was no break in the courtship and there was no setting of the date and then postponing the marriage. The courtship was a long one because Lincoln was in no condition to support a wife. The two remained loyal to each other, meeting from time to time and waiting for Mr. Lincoln's circumstances to justify marriage."

Multiple sources mention Mary resenting her sister because of this marriage interference and having little to do with her until Lincoln's election. I've never been able to figure out how much truth there was to that, but there is an odd lack of known interactions between them. Page Eaton claimed this, and I've always wondered at his credibility.

. . . After the marriage Mr. Lincoln never showed any trace of resentment toward his wife's relatives for their opposition to the marriage. With Mrs. Lincoln it was different. She had said a little defiantly to her brother-in-law, Ninian W. Edwards, before the wedding, that she was going to marry a man who would one day be president of the United States. In the years afterward she would recall those long months of courtship without home sympathy and show that the memory of the family opposition to her choice still rankled. "After the marriage," said Mr. Edwards, "Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln visited at our house. They were always invited there on social occasions. They went out in Springfield society. . . Mr. Lincoln and my father were always very friendly. Mrs. Lincoln, I think, always was a little cool toward my mother for the course she had taken to discourage the engagement. But my mother and Mr. Lincoln were very friendly. "

A lot of people simply directly quoted Herndon, even when they would seem to have known more.

Mrs. Logan knew nothing more than what Lamon did: “Both Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas proposed to her. She refused Douglas and accepted Lincoln. Lincoln feared that the match would not be a happy one, and Ward Lamon, his biographer, states that he failed to be present at the time first set for the ceremony, though the guests were assembled and the wedding-feast prepared. He became suddenly ill, and it was more than a year before the marriage was consummated.”
A Joseph Peters remembered being a law student and meeting Lincoln, when he was either engaged or recently married (his account says Lincoln had been married a short time, but he gives a date of 1840). Calling on Lincoln, he found him “was found sitting in the shade of a tree, reading to Mrs. Lincoln. He often remarked many years afterward, when hearing people speak lightly of her, that he could only think of Mrs. Lincoln as he saw her when making that call ― pleasant, social, and in every word and [g]esture a lady.”

Mary’s story always emphasized Lincoln’s “illness.” Elizabeth Grimsley wrote Ida Tarbell that “in the year previous to the marriage, and when Mr. Lincoln and my Cousin Mary expected soon to be married, that Mr. Lincoln was taken with one of those fearful, overwhelming periods of depression, which induced his friends to persuade him to leave Springfield. This he did for a time, but am satisfied that he was loyal and true to Mary even though at times he may have doubted whether he was responding as fully as a manly generous nature should, to such affection she knew my Cousin was ready to bestow on him. And this because it had not the overmastering depth of an early love. This every body here knows, therefore I do not feel as if I were betraying dear friends.” She also said Lincoln’s mind had been “somewhat overclouded,” and that the Edwardses “naturally felt that might be an obstacles to a happy marriage, and rather discouraged any further thought of it, but the young people knew their own minds.”

Mary V. Stuart recalled that Mary “told me herself, all the circumstances of her engagement to Mr. Lincoln, of his illness, and the breaking off of her engagement, of the renewal and her marriage.”
However, Mrs. B. S. Edwards remembered that Lincoln had met Ninian on the street and given him the news. She also “doubted it was really a love affair” but that it was “made up” by “mutual friends.” She remembered Lincoln being “deeply in love with Matilda Edwards,” and that what really made him almost “los[e] his reason” was that Matilda’s father objected.

While Mary and her family pushed the Douglas angle, in June 1868, someone wrote a letter to a newspaper editor saying that “As the intimate personal and political friend of Judge Douglas for many years, familiar with him from his settlement in Illinois until his death, permit me to say that the story is, like many others in said book, a sheer fabrication, as Judge D. had not the honor of Mrs. L’s acquaintance until some time after her marriage. It is with in the personal knowledge of the writer of this, that a good many of the sensational incidents ion the book are purely fictions of the brain, inserted no doubt, to make it sell, but having no foundation whatever in fact, as is well known in this city.”

Court Circles of Washington, published in 1870, also has some of Mary’s story, either told by her directly or by sympathetic friends (she knew the author and illustrator). The description of her included this:

“The last four years of her school days were passed at Mde. Mentelle's select establishment . . . where a near relative, Margaret Wickliffe, afterwards Mrs. William Preston, was her room-mate. The young ladies continued intimate friends till the civil war; and during that, Mrs. Preston often sought Mrs. Lincoln's help, to be permitted to join General Preston. Miss Todd returned from school to Springfield, when only seventeen, and was soon admired in a select society of gentlemen, of whom many became distinguished. Judge Douglas was one of her persistent suitors. Abraham Lincoln paid his addresses three months after the first meeting with the lovely and accomplished girl, who alone of all her sex had ever touched his heart. He had never sought any other woman's society. He courted her devotedly for three years, and during the twenty-two or three years of married life that followed, he remained the fond lover as well as the affectionate husband and father ; never absent from his wife more than a day without sending daily letters ; sharing with her the joy of every success ; finding no happiness so great as that of the home brightened by her. She shared with him the anxieties that accompanied his elevation to the Presidency, as well as the affliction of losing his gifted son ; seeking relief from sorrow in visits to the hospitals where her kind ministrations to the suffering soldiers might do them good, and bathing eyes swollen with weeping when duty called her to the drawing-room reception. Mrs. Ann S. Stephens, the distinguished novelist, often accompanied her on these visits of mercy, and described the scene as most interesting ― to see the wife of the President walking for hours through the wards to say cheering words of hope and encouragement to the wounded and sick; laying fresh flowers on their pillows, and offering them delicacies brought from the White House. Her carriage would be laden with flowers and baskets of dainties, fruits, &c., for these hapless ones. In strawberry time her gardens would be stripped for their benefit. She often assured Mrs. Stephens that but for these humane employments, her heart would have broken when she lost her child. No one who knew her could doubt Mrs. Lincoln's possession of a feeling and noble heart.”

Then we lost whatever information would have come out here:

At some point, it was reported that Mrs. Charles Ridgley, President of the Sangamon County Columbian Exhibition Club in Springfield, decided to “prepare a souvenir or Lincoln memorial book” for the World’s Fair. “This book was intended to be very handsome in every particular, and touching and beautiful incidents in the life of President and Mrs. Lincoln, from their romantic courtship on through the stirring scenes of their public life at Washington, were to be written by old friends and neighbors.” “For various reasons the club were not as enthusiastic over the proposed plan as they should have been, and at the last meeting of the club Mrs. Ridgely thought best . . . to withdraw her proposition, and by a vote of the club it was decide to give up that feature of the exhibit. . . The collection of colonial and Lincoln lyrics will now constitute the exhibit from Sangamon Country. A very kind letter offering any assistance in his power has been received from the Hon. Robert T. Lincoln…"

Then there is the information that Mary's father may have been the one objecting - apparently even in the family people differed:

Mary Edwards Brown in Life magazine said “Mother always told me they married suddenly because Aunt Mary’s father had heard about the engagement and said Lincoln was ‘poor white trash’ and he wouldn’t have is daughter marry him and he threatened to make all sorts of trouble. There’s another story that it was Ninian Edwards, my grandfather, that made the trouble: he said Mr. Lincoln was poor, with no prospects, and had nothing in common with Aunt Mary. Grandfather forced her to write a letter breaking off the engagement. He said Aunt Mary was his ward and he knew best. But they met secretly and one morning announced that they were going to be married that night.” Perhaps later, the Edwardses did not want to admit this and went with the jilting story.


Judge Matheney told Weik much, but made him promise to keep it to himself until both he and Mary had died. “The marriage was originally set for a day in the winter of 1840-1841, probably New Year’s Day, and Judge Matheney always instead that he had been asked to serve as groan then; but Lincoln, for reasons unnecessary to detail here, having failed to materialize at the appoint time, an estrangement naturally followed and he was no longer enshrined in the affections of Miss Todd or person grata at the Edwards home . .. Through the intercession of the wife of Simeon Francis . . . A reconciliation as elected. . . Meanwhile, at frequent intervals, they were meeting each other as before, but never at the Edwards residence and probably without the knowledge of the Edwards family. When the marriage was set for a second time it was planned to have to solemnized by the pastor at his own house in the presence of a few close friends; but a day or so before the appointed time, when Mr. Edwards first heard off t, he hunted up Lincoln and earnestly protested on the ground that he was the nutria protector of Miss Todd; that she was in reality a member of his family, and the marriage ceremony soul take place, if at all, in his home. After some argument Lincoln and Miss Todd were finally won over …The attendance was limited, probably not over forty persons being present.’For a time after the gusts arrived,; related Judged Matheny, ‘ there was more or less stiffness about the fair due, no doubt, to the sudden change of plans and resulting ‘town talk,’ and I could not help noticing a certain amount of whispering and elevation of eyebrows on the part of a few of the guests, as I if preparing each other for something dramatic our looked for to happen. Things over awkwardly―at least not naturally―until, during the ceremony, an interruption occurred so usual and amusing it broke the ice.” Mrs. Francis refused to enlighten Weik about the circumstances, but did not deny the prior wedding.

Matheny has 40 people there - I think Lizzie Grimsley or one of the others names like 5. Sometimes I wonder if they eloped and never had a wedding and people just wrote themselves into the story. Maybe there was a botched elopement before, and that was the first wedding.


Sarah Rickard discussed the courtship, although it is unclear how much of it she was simply repeating from current stories. “I can tell you something that may be news about the courtship of Mr. Lincoln and Mary Todd, though it is pretty well know that Mary Todd was madly in love with Mr. Lincoln. She simply loved him and would have him whether or not. She was a bright, fascinating girl, with an unusual gift of sarcasm. She had a way of saying sharp, brilliant and sometimes cutting things. Mr. Lincoln admired her greatly, and though he still continued to take me to the theater and to dances, and to show some attention to Matilda Edwards, also, it was the talk of Springfield that Mary Todd would marry him in spite of himself. Things went on until Mr. Lincoln found himself enmeshed in an engagement with Mary. And now comes the odd phase in the life of the man. He broke off with Mary outright―just quit. He seemed to be afraid to marry her. It might have been the belief that he did not love her, or the fear of the responsibilities of marriage, but at any rate for lack of a better word, I must say that Lincoln jilted her. The wedding day was set and all was ready, but Mr. Lincoln failed to appear. Mr. Lincoln went to the home of Joshua Speed, and almost immediately became violently ill. My brother-in-law, Mr. Butler, and my sister . . . went over and got him and brought him over to their home, where my sister nursed him through a long illness . . . Mr. Lincoln did to seem to recover, and my sister, who had watched him closely, decided that he had something on his mind. At last she decided upon a plan of action, and one day went into Mr. Lincoln’s room, closed the door and, walking over to the bed, said: “‘Now, ‘Abe,’ what is the matter? Tell me all about it.’” And he did. Suffering under the ought that he had treated Mary Todd badly, knowing that she loved him, and that he had broken off the wedding, Mr. Lincoln was wearing his very life away in an agony of remorse. He made no excuse for breaking with Mary, but said sadly to my sister: ‘Mrs. Butler, it would just kill me to marry Mary Todd.’ ‘ But she’s a nice girl,’ my sister urged, ‘and you won’t be poor always.’ ‘It isn’t that,’’ said Mr. Lincoln, desperately. ‘There are plenty of nice girls, and there’s one that I would much rather marry than Mary. I’d rather have Sarah for my wife than any girl I know.’ ‘…After my sister’s interview with Mr. Lincoln about the Mary Todd business he didn't see her any more for along time. At last we all went down to Jacksonville to attend the wedding of Miss Nellie Hardin, whose brother was a distinguished officer during the Mexican war. I went to the wedding and so did . . . Mr. Lincoln and Miss Todd. I sat next to Mr. Lincoln at the wedding dinner. He was going with me quite a good deal then. Mary Todd sat just across. Of course, rather than bring restraint upon the company, they spoke to each other, and that was the beginning of the reconciliation. When we all got back to Springfield and Mrs. Edwards . . . heard of it she was furious. She felt that Mr. Lincoln had treated Mary badly, and she forbade him the house. So Mary would quietly go over to the home of Mrs. Simeon Francis . . . and then Mrs. Francis would send for Mr. Lincoln. That was how the second courtship of Mary Todd and Mr. Lincoln came about, and no matter how might have been at first, Mary certainly made most of the plans and did the courting. I have never been able to account satisfactorily for Mr. Lincoln’s behavior about that time. He was the gentlest, most honest man I ever knew, and feeling that he had perhaps not fully appreciated the great love which Mary Todd undoubtedly had for him at first, he set about to make himself return it. Mary worshipped him, and he knew it, and knowing her worthiness he determined to make her happy. At last they were engaged again.”

Knowing Lincoln's response makes you wonder if Sarah wrote herself into the story.

In summary, no one seems to know, and I think Tarbell got so many conflicting stories she stayed away from writing much about Mary. It's very confusing. I feel like the simplest explanation is Lincoln was afraid to get married in general and fell apart, and people assigned the nearest cause they could think of, all of which were contributing factors. Then he got himself back together and soon they were joking about Mathilda (and, let's be honest, Lincoln didn't "love" this girl he had just met. He was infatuated with her and it added to his confusion.)