"The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington"

[David Lockmiller]

(05-26-2016 05:38 PM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  

(05-26-2016 04:43 PM)David Lockmiller Wrote:  

(04-30-2016 02:35 PM)RJNorton Wrote:  Thank you for posting this, Linda!

Regarding the one liner that is attributed to Lincoln...It has been said that during the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, when opponent Stephen Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced, Lincoln turned to the audience and said, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

However, in doing a search of Lincoln's speeches, etc., I have not been able to verify that this ever really occurred.

So, yes, the quote is attributed to Lincoln. But I have not been independently successful in verifying that he actually said it.

I wonder if anyone has had more success than me in researching this quote. I'd love to know if it really happened as tradition indicates.

My favorite Lincoln humorous, self-deprecating story is the following:

A Mr. Addison, a Federal officer from Baltimore, called upon Lincoln to tender his resignation, whereupon Lincoln said: "All right, Addison, I accept your resignation, but nothing can compensate me for the loss of you, for when you retire I will the ugliest man left in the employ of the Government." -- Isaac Markens (from "Lincoln Talks, A Biography in Anecdote" by Emanuel Hertz at page 264)

I've never heard this before, and somehow I do not want to believe Abraham Lincoln said this. Please forgive me, I'm afraid I don't share the kind of humor of this one as IMO it's first of all deprecating Mr. Addison, calling him the ugliest man in the Government. I don't see the fun in saying that to someone. There's a grain of truth in every joke, so it's likely unecessarily hurtful, even if just somewhere deep inside.

I am sorry that you took offense by this. When you're not the handsomest, you know it. [He's hot, and by implication you're not.] Lincoln knew it. And Mr. Addison knew it. I have known it. It is a knowledge that is shared. We're not all Robert Redford's or Sean Connery's (007).

It applies to women as well. In times of war, women make themselves as unattractive as possible in a war zone because pretty girls know that they are the ones that will be the first targets of sexual violence. Pretty girls sometimes pose as young men as a defense measure. I have even heard of young women in war zones make themselves smell as bad as possible. [If you have ever ridden several thousand Muni buses in San Francisco, as I have, you know what this means with some street people. I was on a bus once when the bus driver threw a man off the bus because he smelled so bad. But most times, the bus passengers just have to endure in silence.]

Lincoln told a variety of jokes where such men as he share this common "ugly" joke. Usually, the joke in those foregone times involved passing on some object, such as pen knife, to a man who may be close to you in unattractiveness.

One of the funny stories that I considered posting as a funny joke was a variation on this theme. At the risk of possibly offending you once again, I repeat it.

Now, I have some good news for you. I started looking for the story that I had in mind but I came across another Lincoln self-deprecating story fiirst that I thought you might enjoy even more:

Some politicians had called on President Lincoln, to urge the appointment of some of their friends to positions in a certain department. By way of refusal the President told the following story:

"Gentlemen, the conditions in that department put me in mind of the time that a young friend and myself tried to court the two daughters of a peppery widow living near our house. The old lady kept a lot of hounds.

"We had not been in the house long before one of the hounds came into the room, and lay down by the fire. In a little while another one came to the door. He didn't get in, for the old lady gave him a kick, saying: "Get out of here! There's too many dogs in here now!"

"We concluded to court some other girls."

-- Senator James Harlan in "Lincoln Talks" Hertz @ page 242.

Again, I mean no offense to anyone. I share the highest opinion of many great men and women regarding President Abraham Lincoln, in his own time and well beyond.