Lincoln and Ann Rutledge

[LincolnToddFan]

(06-01-2014 11:54 AM)David Lockmiller Wrote:  

(05-30-2014 10:23 PM)LincolnToddFan Wrote:  As grief stricken as AL undoubtedly was by Ann's death, he was back at his duties as postmaster a month later(Sept 22) and within a year he was pursuing another woman with at least the idea of marriage in mind.

Willie Lincoln died on February 20, 1862. "By the end of February, Lincoln had regained enough strength to resume his duties. D. W. Bartlett noted that he 'is frequently called up three and four times in a night to receive important messages from the West. Since his late bereavement he looks sad and care-worn, but he is in very good health again.'" (Professor Burlingame, "Abraham Lincoln: A Life" Vol. Two, page 299.)

As to your second point stating "within a year he was pursuing another woman with at least the idea of marriage in mind":

For the wives of military men (some with children) whose husbands have fallen in Iraq or Afghanistan, what is considered to be the "proper" length of time before a woman should consider romance again and moving on with their lives? Is it one year? two years? three years? Never?

You seem to have made yourself an expert on answering this question.

Mr. Lockmiller,

You are the one who has ventured the opinion that the death of Ann Rutledge affected AL significantly and profoundly for the rest of his life. I pointed out his return to work a short time later and his pursuit of another woman shortly after to support my opposing opinion that this was not necessarily the case.

If memory serves, you have offered no hard corresponding evidence to support your own viewpoint. An anecdote about AL being overcome with grief seven years later at the funeral of a friend from the period of his life where he knew AR might be sufficient proof for you, for most people including myself, it isn't. AL was a sensitive man who felt the loss of people he cared about keenly.

You seem to suggest that if AL was back at work a few days after the death of his beloved son it somehow compares to his being back in the saddle a short time after the death of his "great love" Rutledge. I cannot quite believe that you are serious here, but in the event that you are...let me remind you that in 1862 Abraham Lincoln was President of the US and commander of the armed forces during a bloody civil war, a time of unprecedented danger in the history of the Republic. It's hardly possible that he could have taken to his bed to grieve even if he'd wanted to.

In short, there is no way to compare the idea of a grief stricken father who also happened to be President of the US during wartime returning quickly to his duties, with that of an anonymous young man who loses his girlfriend going back to work at the post office in the middle of some obscure prairie town... not to mention falling for another woman shortly after.

The first incident happened as a matter of STRICT NECESSITY...not because AL had the luxury of taking time from his duties as president to mourn the death of his favorite son. On the other hand, AL pursuing Mary Owens within a year of the death of the young lady you and others claim was his greatest love? Well...we can't really argue that that was by anything except choice can we?

From the death of Willie Lincoln in 1862 until the time of his own murder just over three years later, there are MANY recorded incidences of AL referring to his lost child's memory, weeping over him, showing visitors his scrapbook of him, visiting his tomb to have his coffin opened to gaze at his face, dreaming of him at night, telling people like artist Francis Carpenter and army nurse Rebecca Pomroy that the loss of this child was "THE GREATEST TRIAL OF MY LIFE".(please note: by Lincoln's own words the death that affected him most was not an early romance...it was the death of his and Mary's boy!)

His last known reference to his eternal grief over Willie was on Apr 14 1865, the day of his assassination, when he spoke to his child's mother about how the loss of their son had cast a shadow over them, and how "we must both try to be more cheerful in the future".

If you have information demonstrating how he spent the thirty years that he was alive after the death of his "greatest love" in a comparable state of grief and longing for her-other than his obscure conversation with Isaac Cogdal about "thinking of her often" in 1860 I'd be simply fascinated to hear about it.

I admit that I know little to nothing about the length of the grieving period for Iraqi war widows. However, I do know much about losing loved ones in general.And I don't usually spend my time acting as if they never existed, with no references at all to them, and neither does anyone else I know.

Finally, I appreciate the compliment, but I am not an "expert" on anything except how difficult it is to indulge my candy addiction without it affecting how the bathroom scales look when I step on.

I do know a weak, bogus argument when I hear one. The idea that Ann Rutledge was Lincoln's greatest love and that her death prevented him from moving on and building a new life with another woman he loved is a good example.