What would you ask?

[Donna McCreary]

The relationship between Mary and Elizabeth Keckly is an interesting one. Historians claim they were good friends. In Keckly's book, she claims to have been Mary's confident. The tone of many of the letters Mary wrote to Mrs. Keckly do not seem to me as those written to a dear, loving friend. She signed them, "Your friend" -- but the tone is bossy. "Do not leave this house without seeing me. COME!" --- "Write me, dear Lizzy, if only a line; I cannot understand your silence." Mary complains that Lizzy does not write often enough. Mary never seems to ask Lizzy to do her a favor, Mary demands actions from Lizzy.
But then, Mary tells Lizzy the most intimate details of her life. It is Lizzy whom she tells she wishes to take her own life. She trust Lizzy to help with selling the wardrobe. She shares financial information with her. But most of the letters are about the clothing sale - business - so it is difficult to fully understand the relationship between the two women. I would like to think they were friends, if not best friends. I kind of think of Lizzy like the modern hair dresser. You hire them to complete a task; you can tell them your deepest thoughts; you may become extremely friendly with them; but they are not your closest friends. Perhaps that is how Mary thought of Mrs. Kekcly. Lizzy, however, I believe was truly devoted to Mary as a friend. She put her own life and business on hold to help Mary -- more than once. Only a true, devoted friend would take such action when another is distressed.

The relationship with Mary Jane Welles was true friendship on both sides. Mary's letters to her are chatty - filled with informtion and questions about family. Mary told Mary Jane about the duel Lincoln almost fought. They gave one another gifts. They discussed politics. It is a shame that Mary could not leave politics out of the relationship and chose to make a political statement at the expense of a true friend.