11-07-2013, 10:52 AM
11-07-2013, 11:24 AM
I also agree Rob. This sounds more natural. The original sentence was obviously well crafted,it just doesnt flow as well as your explanation sentence.
It reminds me of the times my Baseball Coach in High School would come to the mound to settle me down, telling me to stop trying too hard and just throw to the mitt.
Just thinking, for some reason I have become engrossed. "While meticulously reviewing her papers, I quickly realized the information contained within justifies further study."
I do sincerely like your wording from your explanation to Eva the best.
Whichever you decide Rob, I'm sure it will sound great when reading the entire paragraph. I wish you the best, good luck with your book.
It reminds me of the times my Baseball Coach in High School would come to the mound to settle me down, telling me to stop trying too hard and just throw to the mitt.
Just thinking, for some reason I have become engrossed. "While meticulously reviewing her papers, I quickly realized the information contained within justifies further study."
I do sincerely like your wording from your explanation to Eva the best.
Whichever you decide Rob, I'm sure it will sound great when reading the entire paragraph. I wish you the best, good luck with your book.
11-07-2013, 12:20 PM
Thanks Mike. I've got some serious revision to do.
Best
Rob
Best
Rob
11-07-2013, 01:07 PM
I don't know about that Rob. You are a very smart man. Sounds like you know what you want, sometimes a break is all it takes. The next time you look at it, it'll be there. Good luck.
11-07-2013, 06:49 PM
You may be right Kate. Thanks for the kind words.
Best
Rob
Best
Rob
11-07-2013, 07:24 PM
Rob, just want to say, I hope my comments weren't too much (I might have been a bit enthusiastic). I understood your request as intended to get our true opinion, and I hope you sensed the replies as they were intended to be - constructive rather than scorching. It was exactly what Mike said about trying too hard what I thought of regarding the "Yesterday"-reference. Are you pressed by a deadline? I really like your last wording I quoted above very much, it sounds authentic and vivid. As Kate said, in your postings you prove you are an able writer. All the best for your project!
11-07-2013, 08:17 PM
Eva,
I certainly did not have a problem with anything you wrote, or anyone else for that matter. One of the first things you learn as a reporter is you can't let your ego get in the way of what's best for the paper. Being edited is just part of the job, and quite honestly, what I wrote wasn't clear. I'm not under a deadline (other than a self-imposed one) but given the huge amount of time, effort and money I've got invested in this, getting it just right is the most important thing in my life right now. Mike was right. I'm trying too hard to impress this editor and mangled syntax won't do it. Thankfully, I don't think I'm guilty of that in my prologue or sample chapter; at least no one who has read them both has told me that. I started reading Doris Kearns Goodwin's book last night, and the first thought that crossed my mind (besides, "wow, this is a heavy book") was the elegant simplicity evident in her writing style.
One of my literary heroes is E.B. White, and reading of the pain he went through to produce an essay, you wondered why would he ever want to do it again? Yet he did, and not once would you ever believe that he carried around so much self-doubt about his talent that he often begged his postmaster to retrieve an essay he had just sent out because, in his mind, it still wasn't right. Anyone interested in going beyond good writing to exquisite should read his essay, Death of a Pig. Andy Rooney, who liked his Here is New York essay better, once said of White "He put down the English language simply and with more grace than anyone else I ever read."
How's that for an epitaph?
Best
Rob
I certainly did not have a problem with anything you wrote, or anyone else for that matter. One of the first things you learn as a reporter is you can't let your ego get in the way of what's best for the paper. Being edited is just part of the job, and quite honestly, what I wrote wasn't clear. I'm not under a deadline (other than a self-imposed one) but given the huge amount of time, effort and money I've got invested in this, getting it just right is the most important thing in my life right now. Mike was right. I'm trying too hard to impress this editor and mangled syntax won't do it. Thankfully, I don't think I'm guilty of that in my prologue or sample chapter; at least no one who has read them both has told me that. I started reading Doris Kearns Goodwin's book last night, and the first thought that crossed my mind (besides, "wow, this is a heavy book") was the elegant simplicity evident in her writing style.
One of my literary heroes is E.B. White, and reading of the pain he went through to produce an essay, you wondered why would he ever want to do it again? Yet he did, and not once would you ever believe that he carried around so much self-doubt about his talent that he often begged his postmaster to retrieve an essay he had just sent out because, in his mind, it still wasn't right. Anyone interested in going beyond good writing to exquisite should read his essay, Death of a Pig. Andy Rooney, who liked his Here is New York essay better, once said of White "He put down the English language simply and with more grace than anyone else I ever read."
How's that for an epitaph?
Best
Rob