The death of Tad Lincoln

[LincolnMan]

One can only imagine how hard it was for Mary Lincoln to lose a third son. How did Mary handle it? Did she attend the funeral? Did she take charge of the arrangements? Was there a period of illness-similar to what Willie went through-before he died? What was Robert's reaction and involvement?

[RJNorton]

Bill, here is a little information from Ruth Painter Randall's Lincoln's Sons. Tad apparently was already somewhat ill when he and Mary arrived in New York upon returning from Europe. It seems Mary was not overly concerned at that point in time, but his condition fluctuated a lot over the next few months, and he died at the Clifton House in Chicago on July 15, 1871. Tad's remains were taken to Robert's home on Wabash Avenue. Many folks came to help and sympathize. Simple funeral services were held in Robert's home. Among those attending were the members of Tad's Bible class. Mary sat on a sofa. One observer noted that she was "truly the woman of sorrow that she was." During the service Robert sat beside his mother to give her as much comfort as possible.

Mary was too distraught to make the trip to Springfield. Tad's rosewood casket was placed on a train accompanied by Robert, Senator James Harlan, Judge David Davis, and other friends. Upon arrival in Springfield the casket was taken to the Edwards' home and placed in the same room where the Lincolns had been married on November 4, 1842.

On Monday, July 19, 1871, a funeral was held at Springfield's First Presbyterian Church. When the service ended the casket was taken to Oak Ridge Cemetery.

[Gene C]

Also a little info in "Giant In The Shadows" by Jason Emerson on p152-154

[Joe Di Cola]

If you look at the pictures of Tad taken in late spring or early summer of 1871 (Lincoln Family Album, p. 125), he looks very sickly and nearly unrecognizable as Tad.

[L Verge]

Dumb question, but I don't remember ever having seen a definite answer: Did Mary Lincoln attend the funerals of her three sons who pre-deceased her? I know she locked herself away in solitude and grief, but did that also include no appearance at the funerals?

[RJNorton]

After Eddie died the funeral services were held in the parlor of the Lincoln home, so I am thinking Mary was probably present. Eddie's remains were then taken to Hutichson's Cemetery, and Jean Baker writes, "Most likely Mary Lincoln did not go to the graveyard, for customarily women did not." Daniel Mark Esptein writes that after the death a neighbor observed, "she lay prostrated, stunned, turning away from food, completely unable to meet this disaster." Abraham begged her, "Eat, Mary, for we must live."

After Willie died in the White House Jean Baker writes, "Like Queen Victoria when Albert died, Mary Lincoln did not attend Willie's funeral in the White House or what turned out to be his temporary internment in a Georgetown cemetery."

After Tad died Mary was present for the services held in Robert's home but did not go to Springfield for the funeral services held there or the burial.

[Eva Elisabeth]

Doris Kearns Goodwin says, Mary (together with Robert and yer husband) bid farewell to Willie in the Green Room before the casked was closed (and then was so overcome she coulnd't attend the East Room service two hours later).

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Many folks came to help and sympathize.

Reading this I wonder - did Mary (ever) have a real friend, an intimate like her husband had in J. Speed? Did her sister Elizabeth maybe serve as that?

[BettyO]

Supposedly Mary Lincoln's closet confidant in the White House was Elizabeth Keckley, her modeste and ladies' maid - however after the "old clothes scandal" whereby some of Mary Lincoln's wardrobe was auctioned for charity, they grew apart after Mrs. Lincoln became very critical of Mrs. Keckley; particularly in lieu of Mrs. Keckley's publication of her memoirs - Behind the Scenes in 1868.

[Eva Elisabeth]

That's what I mean - would a true friend do what Elizabeth Keckley did?

[Gene C]

If you read her book, one could reach the conclusion that Mrs Lincoln took advantage of Ms. Keckley and her generous nature, and that Mrs. Keckley wrote the book to generate a little income.

There is also the belief that what Mrs. Keckley wrote is not what was published and the editors or publishers took lliberties and made Mrs Lincoln out to be worse than she was, in order to sell books

[RJNorton]

One can only imagine how hard it was for Mary Lincoln to lose a third son.

Regarding Tad's death, on October 4, 1871, Mary wrote her friend, Eliza Slataper (a lady who lived in Pittsburgh), "I have been so utterly prostrated - by my deep deep grief, that my health has completely given away. Latterly, I am suffering greatly with violent palpitations of the heart - which has become the cause of much uneasiness to my friends. Consequently, I am ordered perfect quiet - as much as can be obtained by a person so broken-hearted as my poor self....As grievous as other bereavements have been, not one great sorrow, ever approached the agony of this. My idolized & devoted son, torn from me, when he had bloomed into such a noble, promising youth."

[Jim Garrett]

In "The Last Lincolns", Charles Lachman quotes MTL, "As grevious as other bereavements have been, not one great sorrow ever appraoched the agony of this" regarding the loss of Tad.

[RJNorton]

Jim, you touched on what struck me the most about that letter Mary wrote to Eliza Slataper. Jean Baker writes in Mary Todd Lincoln: A Biography that "In Willie's death Mary Lincoln lost her favorite son..." And we know how deeply Mary mourned for Willie. But it sounds from that letter that she took Tad's death even harder.

[BettyO]

I've always felt that Tad was his father's favorite. Perhaps that's why Tad's death was such a double blow to Mary.

[Jim Garrett]

I think each death became progressively harder, taking a greater and greater emotional toll on MTL. As morbid as this may sound, I wonder if losing a child (during the 1800's) was almost expected. The incidents of childhood mortality was so high and touched almost every family. So while the loss of Eddie was devastating, she was not alone in her grief. Even though she handled her grief very individually, she knew others were experiencing the loss

When she lost Willie, she at least had her husband for support. He probably forced her out of her depression, and as a wife, mother and first lady, she had plenty to keep her mentally busy.

When AL died, she lost her rock and the only person who seemed to really understand her. She also lost her identity as a wife and first lady, but when Tad died, she also lost her identity as a mother. Not that she wasn't still a mother to Robert, but Robert was a grown man and clearly independent.