Did Lincoln Regret Marrying Mary?

[Mike B.]

(11-13-2013 09:50 PM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  Finally, I don't think A. Lincoln was so much afraid of stigmata. Would a divorce have harmed him politically? Perhaps, but I think the lack of Mary's support would have been the most harming side of such a coin. Or, as Mary's nephew Albert S. Edwards said: Mary "had more to do with making Mr. Lincoln president than many people think". And I think Mr. Lincoln knew that.

Strongly disagree on this point.
Lincoln became President because of georgraphy, availability, the failure of the Seward team, his awesome political skills and judgement, the contacts he made on the circut that ran his campaign. To say that Mary "made" Lincoln President is really unhistorical. It is hard to point to any evidence this is true."

On the point of the Lincolns regretting the marriage? Nothing can be said on that. For all we know both may have regretted it at times, but we don't have any real evidence that this is so.

One thing I would point out, and I think it can't be waved away. Mary did hit Lincoln in the face with a log hard, and was bruised enough that he had to go and buy bandages. He went to court all bandaged up the next day.

The usual excuse I hear is that Lincoln wasn't listening to her, and she got mad. Is that a legitimate excuse? Would anyone except it if Lincoln had physically hit Mary?

I don't like the American trait of a team Lincoln and a team Mary, where there is no middle ground (we seem to do this with everything a British friend commented to me, and I agreed.) But is it possible to still like Mary while saying her spousal acts of violence were particularily wrong?

I can only talk from experience. I have been married 12 years and the thought of either my wife or me physically hitting or throwing anything at each other is impossible for me to imagine.

No doubt male spousal abuse towards women was much more common then than today unfortunetly.

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(11-14-2013 12:42 PM)Eva Elisabeth Wrote:  

(11-14-2013 10:09 AM)L Verge Wrote:  Bless you, Eva, for making that post!

All I would add is that, if we have to be judgmental and try to analyze the Lincolns' personal lives over 150 years ago, let's also ask if Mary ever regretted marrying Abe during the long periods when she was left to hold down the fort while he rode circuit, or make finances work on a lower income than what she was accustomed to, or to suffer with him during his bouts with depression, or to share him with the country during its worst time.

Marriage requires driving on a two-way street. I believe that the Lincolns and the people of their era understood this more than many of us do today and made efforts to make it through the tough times and accept personal flaws.

Thanks Gene and Laurie! Laurie, THIS was indeed in my mind, too!! Thanks for adding it. A. Lincoln just gave up bachelor life, Mary gave up a lot more regarding social status and lifestyle. I think she always tried to do her very best, as it was possible due to her inherited disposition, her skills and abilities and the external circumstances. IMO this was and is not adequately appreciated, neither at her time nor nowadays.

Need to disagree with this point. Mary was getting older (for the time). Lincoln was a rising man, Whig floor leader and soon Congressman. She did not pick a dud. Heck, he even became President.

The idea that she was marrying a hayseed needs to be re-examined. Read his Lyceum speech he wrote before he met her. He was certainly not polished, but his political success was on him being "honest Abe" and the "rail-spliter" not being the dandy.

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One other point. The Todd sisters moved to Springfield to marry. Elizabeth who was considered the most attractive, she was the oldest sister who married an Edwards one of the first families of the state. Francis married a doctor, and Ann (who Mary hated, but looked like her physically) married a merchant.

It bears out saying that Mary made the best choice. Both Elizabeth's and Francis's husbands hit Lincoln up for jobs when he was President because they needed the money. Ironically, the one I think that helped Lincoln the most was Ann's husband who Lincoln wrote his First Inaugeral Address in his office.