Grant and Lincoln's invitation

[loetar44]

Laurie,
Also I want to defend Mary Lincoln. I always try not to see someone as a “caricature”, as so many people do. The image many have of Ulysses Grant is that he was an insensitive butcher as a general (I once read –don’t know right now where and when- that also Mary Lincoln called him a butcher), an incompetent mediocrity as president and a drunk. The image many have of Abraham Lincoln is an image of near-perfection, someone who could do no wrong, someone almost reaching to the status of a demi-god. The image many have of Julia Grant is that of a (very) shy and always caring and loving mother and wife, a genuinely liked lady. Well, I never believe in such stereotypes, and never want to characterize people in such a dramatique way, because this goes in my opinion always too far. Nobody is as evil as the devil, nobody is a saint. I always try to think not black or white, always grey. And I think that all behavior is explicable. Let me explain in Mary’s case, starting with myself…

I know from experience how personal loss can disrupt your life and can acting out behavior that easily can be interpreted as “not normal”. When I lost my twin brother I thought for more than a year that I really acted normal, until it became clear that this was not so and that my behavior was not so normal as I thought. For example: normally I’m easygoing, but in those days I lost my temper for nothing. Normally I’m in for a good prank, in those days I could not stand any form of humor. Normally I’m not jealous at all, but in that year no man could come very close to my wife, because I could not bear that she gave any attention to another man (fearing that I could lose her too?). Further, my kids and pupils had no life. I had no interest in my friends and lost some of them for good, etc., etc. And what was my grief if you compare that with that of Mary Lincoln? Mary lost her mother when she was only six. She desperately tried to please her stepmother but was rejected.. She lost two little sons before her husband. Several of her relatives were killed fighting for the Confederacy. Her Southern family disowned her. Both sides accused her of being a traitor, etc, etc. That seems more than enough to make anyone difficult to deal with. Therefore I want to plea for Mary.

Eva,
Don’t underestimate yourself! Your opinions are of a high standard and very much appreciated, at least by me, and imo by others too. I think you are right by saying that the Grants actually were not in the mood to spend Good Friday at the theater. I agree with Laurie that Grant was worn out and Julia had her fears about his health and was convinced that he needed rest. Laurie is right by saying that she feared ill health for her husband, brought on by fatigue and mental anguish.

Linda,
Now you use the term “obstinate fool” I suddenly recall that I read that in reference to (indeed) none other than Mary Lincoln, who used the term for Grant after Cold Harbor (“Grant is an obstinate fool and a butcher”). Okay, the Union suffered numerous casualties in May 1864, but Harry S Laver says in “A General Who Will Fight: The Leadership of Ulysses S. Grant” that Mary was “unfairly harsh” to Grant. I believe that Mary made the remark only to Elizabeth Keckley and that the Grants in April 1865 were not aware of this “harsh statement”.

Roger
Simpson has done a masterly job by writing that book about Grant and the interview was interesting, but I wonder how could Simpson definitely know that Grant did not want to go out in public any more with Mrs. Lincoln after the horrid experience with her on the night of April 13? I really need here a primary source. It looks to me now as if Simpson makes his own interpretation and that I can’t see as a fact. It reminds me of a review about his book I read. In this review was said that Simpson often mention events without explaining further . For example: “Several times Simpson states that Grant discussed politics with others, but he does not explain what those events were or how they affected or influenced Grant”. Well, in the interview it seems to me that Simpson is again in too great a rush to hurry past an event, without explaining further, how he came to the conclusion.

Linda again,
You write “ I have a hard time with Mary Lincoln. It seems she could be lovely when she wanted to be and not so lovely when it didn't suit her.” Do you mean that Mary had “some kind of choice” to decide by herself how she wanted to react? I think that’s not fair to say. Also remember that Mary traveled to battlefields with her husband many times, without any incident, except for City Point in March 1865. According to me this means that extreme displays of her temper were the exception, not the norm.

Eva again,
I too am curious to know what the Seward women thought of Mary and her opinion of them. Is that documented somewhere? Good points Eva!

Herb,
I agree that Mary was indeed a surviver.

Last remark:
Upon their return from City Point, Mary Lincoln stated concern about “enemies” in the city to which Lincoln replied, “Enemies, never again must we repeat that word.” After Grant came to Washington Julia experienced the same. She also stated concern about ”enemies”. Her husband listened to her and left town….