Grant and Lincoln's invitation

[loetar44]

First, I hate to walk around sounding like I know what I'm talking about when I do not. Let that be clear. But I still have my doubts that the Grants left Washington in such a hurry primary because of Mary. Five things:

(1) I know Mary ranks among the most controversial women in American history, high-strung and mercurial, at times exercising poor judgment and often offensive to those around her. But she is also remembered as well educated, intelligent, unusually assertive for a woman of her time, a helpmate to Lincoln, and a loving mother. She was not that evil. Where originated the story that she was? Can someone tell me where exactly it is stated as a fact that hard feelings, or at least wariness, on the part of Julia Grant was the only reason the Grants did not attend the play that night with the Lincolns? Or.... who started this story?

(2) Can someone tell me that it is indeed a true fact that Julia Grant actually said that she did not want to sit in the box with Mrs. Lincoln? I always thought that it was Mrs. Stanton who said this to Julia at the reception on the 13th, as follows: "Unless you accept the invitation, I shall refuse. I will not sit without you in the box with Mrs. Lincoln." ("The General’s Wife , The Life Of Mrs Ulysses S Grant", 1959, by Ishbel Ross.)

(3) Grant was embarrassed when Julia made her decision not to attend the play, since he had already told the President that they would go. In my opinion this means that there was not an initial plan to get back (in a hurry) to Burlington and the children, but this was only used as a good excuse.

(4) Metaphysical belief in the United States was in 1865 popular and not simply confined to poor frontier folk or African slaves. I just read “I Would Still Be Drowned In Tears: Spiritualism in Abraham Lincoln’s White House”, a thesis of Michelle L. Hamilton (2013) to obtain her Master of Arts in History.

Carol Berkin in "Civil War Wives: The Lives & Times of Angelina Grimké Weld, Varina Howell Davis & Julia Dent Grant" (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009) writes on page 229: “Julia Dent, the future wife of Ulysses S. Grant, was a firm believer in metaphysics. Born in Missouri, as a child, Julia Dent Grant was exposed to metaphysical beliefs from her family’s slaves. For the rest of her life, Julia was a firm believer in premonitions, omens, and the power of dreams to foretell the future.” Julia was not only a firm spiritualist, but also believed herself to possess some mediumistic power. Ulysses Grant believed in no particular religion and certainly not in spiritualism. That’s why he never mentioned the spiritual/ mediumistic feelings of his wife. Would you, if you are a non-believer?

(5) I’m curious what the lady’s in this forum have to say. Laurie, Eva, Linda what do you think?