Pictorial representations Lincoln’s deathbed

[L Verge]

I agree (in most cases), Kees. I come from a family who has, for generations, included children in the dying process - including funeral homes and burial services. I am reminded of a cousin, however, whose daughter was five years old when her grandmother died suddenly of a heart attack. Amy had been very close to her grandmother, but was not allowed to go through any of the final viewings and services.

Amy was/is the same age as my daughter, so a few months after the funeral, we took her to McDonald's with us one day. My mother was with us. Amy seemed a little depressed, and all of a sudden, she blurted out, "My grandmother went away and never said good-bye." She then started to cry. My mother and I tried to do the "lesson" there in a McDonald's that should have been done by Amy's parents.

My five-year-old daughter had been to the funeral home and the funeral with us, but I was so happy that she kept quiet and didn't tell Amy that she had "said goodbye to your grandma." I think that would have caused more grief.

This is just my opinion, but I think that all those "noble" men who surrounded Lincoln's deathbed, waiting for him to draw his last breath, should have been kind enough to clear the room at some point - perhaps just after the moment of death - and allowed Mary, Tad, and Robert a few minutes of privacy with the man who was the rock of their world. Somehow, I think Mary would have conducted herself appropriately in front of Tad; but if not, both children were certainly used to their mother's hysterics -- and she had good reason for them at that moment!

I often wonder, when I see the public weeping and wailing on television of women (and some men) from all cultures when death strikes their family or their community, how Edwin Stanton and hosts of pompous men and women of that era would react today. I mourn quietly because that is how I was raised, but culture and personal emotions bring out hysterics in some mourners, and that should be respected.